Learning Love - What I've Learned in Seven Years of Marriage

Usually on Mondays I do a mommy post, but today I wanted to participate in the Learning Love linkup put on by Better Than Eden.  Especially since it just so happens that we just celebrated our 7th anniversary on Saturday!  It has been a wonderful 7 years.


We were young.  And reminded of that often.  At 19 and 20 years old we said "I do" on February 14th of 2008.  That first year was the hardest we've experienced yet.  For one, our honeymoon started with me being sick and a visit to the ER.  We were young, we were dumb.  We were *so* immature.  I cannot say that enough.  Haha!!  We had to learn to put each other first instead of ourselves.  I was learning to run a household and balance work as a surgical technologist.  We had to learn to grow together.  We loved, we laughed, we screamed, we cried.  There were times I thought we weren't gonna make it.  My favorite memories are when we would come home after church on Sunday and cook burgers for ourselves on our little indoor George Foreman grill.  It was tough sometimes, but I have never regretted - not for one moment - that we got married young.  It was so worth it.  Worth every tough memory, worth every growing pain, worth helping each other become something better.

1. I learned this year that marriage isn't easy.  It isn't all rainbows and butterflies.  And quite frankly, people who act like it is easy scare me.  There are hard times, but that makes the good times more beautiful.  Marriage is about knowing that someone loves you enough to endure your ugly moments.  It's about helping each other fight through those not-so-Christian characteristics to become something way better.


It seemed like this year was filled with a LOT of work.  Hubby was working and going to college still, and I was constantly working as well.  We were trying to save up to get our finances in order, pay off all debt, and save for a good house down payment.  But it wasn't until the fall of 2009 that we decided to let our family know that we would be making the move from the plains of West Texas to the beautiful hills of Arkansas.  My mother was ecstatic, to say the least!  She and Dad were very happy to have us near them again!  It was also this year that I was having some frightening health problems.  I would nearly pass out, sometimes couldn't stand and barely talk.  I would have headaches with blind spots.  I know now that this was all hormone related, but at the time of course I was convinced it was a brain tumor.  I did have an MRI which showed some white matter on the brain, the after effect of such severe migraines.

2. It was this year I learned that my husband had a way of giving me the confidence that I had needed for years. We had to really start listening to each other's body language, emotions, and to watch each other spiritual development.  We had to learn to tell each other when something bugged us, when something made us feel loved, when something helped us grow in Christ.  This helped confidence and trust to grow, something I'd never gotten to experience with anyone else.


In February of this year, we made the big move to Arkansas.  It was a scary time - especially because the move took place in the middle of a big snow storm.  But with my family's help, we made it!  I got a job at a local hospital and Ben at a bank.  Elders were ordained at our congregation, my Dad being one of them.  Such a wonderful time!  We bought our first home together in April, which is where we still live today.  We love our little home!  We were able to open our home up for Bible studies and keeping preachers and family and friends which is a dream I have always had.  The summer of this year, we had our first "youth" meeting at church and we kept 13 girls for a week.  It was honestly one of the best experiences of my life!!  So fun! Towards the end of this year, my job did not go too well and I ended up starting school for medical transcription online.  At the end of this year, I quit at the hospital and became a full time student.

3. I learned this year that fear is often at the core of anger, and that being held and reassured is what I need when I am the most upset and angry.  Some of these moments are my most precious memories, when I had a brake-down because life was hard, but Ben knew to stop everything and hold me.  Somehow that always made it better or at least a little easier to face.


This was a tough year for us financially.  I finished school and started working as a medical transcriptionist, but it took me a WHILE to work up to making what I needed to make for us to make it by, which I didn't expect.  But somehow we made it!  Thank goodness for a good emergency fund.  We went camping together as a couple for the first time this year.  Pearl had kittens.  My cousin lived with us for a few months.
4. I learned this year the glaring truth that just because you do good things doesn't mean you won't face hard times.  I think I just grew up thinking that if you help put on enough Bible studies, keep enough people in your home, and visit enough sick people that some how things will magically work out perfectly.  Because you are being a good Christian, right?!  Sad to say I had that frame of mind early on.  I mentioned I was inmature, right?! Haha!


Got my first flock of chickens this year.  I was given Siri this year, also.  I started to embrace the homesteading life!  We had great fun this year as Ben and I and my entire family went to Florida for a big vacation.  We went to Disney, SeaWorld, and stayed in a gorgeous beach side home.  We had a blast!!  

5. This year was about learning patience and understanding that would continue far into the next year.  It was a year we had to learn to enjoy living in the moment, not wasting away "today" because you can't have what you want right now.


I started my blog in 2013.  The year was a very hard one.  It is one I honestly can't remember a lot of (until the end) because I feel like I was just in a dark pit of sadness and fertility monitoring and testing.  I am so thankful that Ben was there to keep pushing me forward when I just wanted to lay down and sleep my days away.  This was also the year Ben went to India on a missionary-type trip.  But in October we were surprised with a positive pregnancy test.  It was a wonderful, wonderful time.  Full of fear of course, but I was so happy to finally be a mom!

6. This year I feel like Ben and I learned a lot about being more long-suffering with others, more understanding, and less critical.  Going through trials and hard times has a way of molding your heart into a more compassionate person.  This was something I really needed, since in the past I tended to be more of a cut and dried, "just get over it and move on" sort of person.


What a wonderful year 2014 was.  This was the year that our Littlest Farmer was born!!  I still remember that day as one of the best of my life.  I think it was year 2014 that Ben and I have grown the most so far.  Becoming a parent really changes the way you look at everything.  We have made so many changes!  We have learned to forgive, to build up, and to be more steady for each other spiritually.  Mostly this year we really learned what it means to communicate.

7. I learned this year that the only one who is never going to let you down, no matter what, is God.  The rest of us will all make mistakes at some point and disappoint each other.  Ben and I learned how 
awesome it is to be parents, to bring a child into the world together, and how it feels to have your entire life changed by that little baby.  We really started to examine our lives as Christians and make some big changes.  Ben also really started getting serious about work and started school again to get his Bachelor's in Marketing Management.  His focus is to be able to make enough one day that we don't have to struggle to get by on one income and that he will also get to spend more time with the Littlest Farmer and me.


While I know the year 2015 has only just begun, I want to note what I have learned so far this year.  I have learned how beautiful life is.  It is so, SO beautiful - even if you don't have a lot of money to enjoy the finer things.  The simple things are the most priceless and make your life the most rich!!  I have spent precious moments drinking in baby smiles and that sweet baby smell.  I have begun to develop a new respect for my husband who will do anything and everything to provide a way for me to stay home with our son.  We have started to study the Bible together and that really changes things.  We have furthered our communication with each other which always makes things run smoother.  It has been a beautiful year so far, and to think it has only just begun!!


  1. I AM SO GLAD YOU JOINED IN!! It was wonderful to read more details of your story. First off, I had no idea you were quite that young! ;) There really is a lot to learn in those early years of marriage, and I think there's even more when the couple is really young. Bryan and I learned many of these things together, too, seeing as how we started dating when we were 16. We just learned them in the 7 years that we dated instead of after we were married.
    You two are doing a superb job. I love reading about the life you've created together, and I wish you many happy years and lessons learned the not so hard way. :)

    1. Thanks as always for reading, Christine! I really enjoyed reading yours, too.

  2. Congratulations on your seven years, and your Littlest Farmer!

  3. This is all so beautiful, Lana! You two have been through so much but clearly God has been leading you through that, even the dark times. I love the last point about God being the only one to never let you down. It is such a hard lesson sometimes but so true. Thank you so much for linking up! (BTW, your little one is adorable!!)

    1. I am so glad you had the idea for this linkup! I truly enjoyed it. Thanks so much for stopping by!

  4. I love this, Lana! Congrats on 7 years together!


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